I want to unfold

I am too alone in the world, yet not alone enough
to make each hour holy.

I am too small in the world, yet not small enough
to simply be in your presence, like a thing –
just as it is.

I want to know my own will
and move with it.
And I want, in the hushed moments
when the nameless draws near,
to be among the wise ones –
or alone.

I want to mirror your immensity.
I want never to be too weak or too old
to bear the heavy, lurching image of you.

I want to unfold.
Let no place in me hold itself closed,
for where I am closed, I am false.
I want to stay clear in your sight.

I would describe myself
like a landscape I’ve studied
at length, in detail;
like a word I’m coming to understand;
like a pitcher I pour from at mealtime;
like my mother’s face;
like a ship that carried me
when the waters raged.

- I, 13, Love Poems to God, Rilke